If you prefer shorthand/bullets, here's our 2013 in a nutshell:
You’re pregnant! - Best. News. Ever.
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You’re being laid-off. (While you’re pregnant.) - Say what?
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You’re hired. - Phew.
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You’re re-hired. - Even better!
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It’s a boy! - Hurray!
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Your baby has hearing loss and will need hearing aids. - Wait. What?
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[Insert screeching halt sound effect here.]
Allow me to elaborate, if I may. Here is our story thus far. (I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. No easy feat, trust me.)
Marc and I learned we were pregnant on Presidents’ Day in 2013. I told him at the gym. I'll spare you the conception story, just know that we wanted this baby. Hard.
We were elated, nervous, overwhelmed and overjoyed (not necessarily in that order!). The due date was October 28th and, much to the dismay of many friends and family members, we decided we wanted the gender to be a surprise. Best. Surprise. Ever. (If you can stand it - do it! Talk about motivation in the delivery room!)
Fast forward through five months of the easiest pregnancy in history (no… really. No morning sickness, no painful boobs, no nothing. I kept waiting for it to be terrible, and that never happened.) Everything seemed too good to be true… until:
May 29th. I accepted an invite to a conference call that would change a lot. I’d been working for Event 360 for 8 1/2 years and loved [mostly] every second. The company had fallen on some hard times, and found it necessary to let about 30% of its employees go.
Crap. I’m very visually pregnant at this point. Who’s going to hire me now? Someone did. But that job was pretty darn miserable.
And then I got the chance to interview with Event 360 again, and I was offered the job, which I gladly accepted. Phew.
Life was back to normal-ish. Working for a company I loved. Living in a city I adored. Expecting a baby I couldn't WAIT to meet! I was working, teaching Jazzercise, maintaining a normal social life. Things were great!
And then, on October 23rd, our lives changed forever. Milo Robert Mottinger was born (after what’s nearly the easiest labor & delivery in history. Less than 6 hours of labor and 20 mins of pushing. So lucky!).
Instant, overwhelming, unconditional love. I've heard that this is what happened. Now I know.
The next few days/weeks were much like the typical first-time parents'. Waking up at all times of the night to feed and change diapers. We really couldn't complain, as this child might have been one of the easiest. Ever. Clearly this child was a product of our amazing parenting skills. Or luck. Whatever.
During our stay in the hospital, many standard tests ensue. One of which is a newborn hearing screen. Our pediatrician informed us that Milo didn't pass that one, but due to the quick nature of his delivery, it wasn't uncommon for there to be fluid in the ears, which would result in a failed hearing screen. Nothing to be alarmed about. We scheduled a quick outpatient test to rule out hearing loss. No biggie. There were no other indications that he had any issues - he responded when we talked to him, exercised lots of eye contact, etc.
Sidenote: Milo had lots of visitors in his first several weeks! My mom, Grandma Judy, came to visit for his first week and a half, and Grandma Jan and Grandpa Bill made the trip to Asheville a few times in his first months. Uncle Gregg, Aunt Nicole and Cousin Molly even made the trip from Norfolk! Many sweet girlfriends and their hubbies and babies (with delicious meals to boot!) came to meet our lil man. Clearly Milo was a popular fellow. Can't say I'm surprised.
Outpatient hearing test. No bueno. From there, we scheduled a more in depth test, called an ABR. at Asheville Head Neck and Ear.
The first ABR was inconclusive (read: hopeful! optimistic! this could be nothing!). Repeat ABR: not so inconclusive. Hearing loss confirmed. Tears. Confusion. Terror. Worry. Anger. Sadness.
If you know Marc's Mom, Jan, you know she works in the Speech Pathology program at UTD. She's got many connections related to speech and hearing, and we learned that one of the top Pediatric Audiology programs in the country was at UNC Chapel Hill, which is about a three & a half hour drive from where we live. Practically right down the street! Coincidence?
I'm not sure if you believe in fate or destiny or whatever, but I now firmly believe that this is the reason that our paths led us to North Carolina. The resources in this state are among the best in the country. And that's what our Milo deserves!
We met with Pat Roush, the director of the program at UNC-CH, and she was truly a Godsend. One of the best in her profession, she did another ABR to gather data on his hearing and devise a plan for moving forward. We confirmed that Milo has moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears. She is amazing to work with. An expert, detailed and thorough, yet with compassion and understanding, it's clear to see that our team is going to set Milo up for a very normal and happy life. And there is quite a team. His drs and audiologists in Chapel Hill, his drs, audiologists and services (education & therapy) team in Asheville. We've met a LOT of people in the past few weeks. Pat even introduced us to a few families that have very similar situations, which have been instrumental in helping to imagine what our lives are going to be like.
It's important for us to remember that Milo CAN hear us when we tell him we love him, sing songs and read books. He's not deaf, just has some trouble hearing (mostly high pitches).
During our visit to Chapel Hill, impressions for his hearing aid were taken, and we got to pick from many stylish colors. (Who knew hearing aids could be considered a fashion accessory?) We decided on Caribbean Pirate. Arrrrr. He'll wear the aids behind his ear, and there will be tubing and a clear ear mold that goes into his ear. (Which will be replaced every 4-6 weeks as he grows through this first year.) Here's what it will look like:
In one of the books we found, it lists the "stages of grief" that parents go through, and it captured our exact emotions... almost in the same order. It's spooky how accurate it it for our journey: SHOCK ... DENIAL ... GUILT ... DEPRESSION ... ANGER ... ANXIETY ... ACCEPTANCE ... and finally CONSTRUCTIVE ACTION (where we intend to say for the duration.)
The cause of his hearing loss has yet to be determined, but we'll return to Chapel Hill in a few months for some more testing. It's likely due to one of three things: a genetic issue in which Marc and I each contribute a recessive gene, a physical issue in the inner ear, or contracted through infection in utero. I'll update the blog when we have more to share.
While this news is certainly not something we were expecting, we quickly came to the realization that though this will present some unique challenges, this is most definitely a fixable circumstance. Our baby doesn't have a fatal illness, nor any issues that will prevent him from living a healthy and happy life. As Marc explains it: "Milo's Mom wears glasses/contacts to help her see better, now he will wear 'glasses on his ears' to help him hear better." It's that simple. (Not quite, but you get the point.) This will be Milo's "normal" and he won't know any different.
He'll learn just like all the other kids and will be in a normal classroom. The expectation is that he'll hit all developmental milestones per usual, and have no speech problems, largely due to the fact that we discovered this so soon, and the fact that he'll be wearing amplification by 11 weeks. He'll wear the aids all the time (except for bedtime and bathtime/swimming). We were concerned about people making fun and treating him differently, but we've been told that other kids are actually very inquisitive and helpful, even thinking that they're "cool" because they look like cell bluetooth devices! Milo gets his hearing aids this coming Tuesday (1/7) and we're very excited!
I hope you'll forgive this public forum for sharing this information - I'd have loved to personally call and tell everyone - but any mom of a newborn (or any age for that matter) will tell you that's just not possible! This site isn't meant to be specific to Milo's hearing, but rather an update on life in general, for anyone interested. (I realize this is likely just our immediate family!)
Our major takeaway thus far has been that we're going to do whatever we need to do to ensure the best care for Milo. This situation has brought Marc & I even closer and I'm soooo incredibly grateful to have such an amazing partner in all of this. He's been my rock when I needed it, and in turn I've been able to be strong in his moments of weakness. There will be more of those, but for now, we're good! We can totally handle this - with your support of course! Please, ask questions if you have any - we're happy to talk about it. This isn't something we're hiding or running away from.
Well - you made it through the novel! Thanks for caring enough about our boy to read it all.
